My Three Favorite Facts About New York City (Resident Version 01)
a. Staten Island doesn’t really exist.
b. Brooklyn is bigger and better than Manhattan. The celebrities are arriving. We’re Number 1!
c. Brooklyn is bigger and better than Manhattan…unfortunately, the celebrities are arriving. Take ’em back!
d. Queens is the heart of NYC, but nobody knows it. Maybe if you’d send us some of those extra Brooklyn celebrities…
e. The Bronx holds more parkland than any other place in NYC, but all anyone knows about us is the zoo and a cheer!
f. I am the King/Queen of the Hipsters. They just can’t stand it.
g. The Apollo Theater’s amateur night shows are great. Bring back the hook!
h. The re-modeling of Coney Island makes real New Yorkers weep.
i. The real purpose of NYC is to keep scaffolding companies in business.
j. I’ve started a petition to add streets to Alphabet City to ensure it includes the entire alphabet.
k. We live vicariously by watching Palemale and Lola nail pigeons.
l. We refuse to call “Hell’s Kitchen” anything other than “Hell’s Kitchen”. “Clinton” is just a sales pitch.
m. I keep meaning to ride the complete route of the subway, but I don’t have a spare week to do it.
o. The entire universe of any NYC resident is within a 5 block radius of where they live/work.
p. Greenwich Village is just a state of mind, albeit a somewhat deranged one…
q. Battery Park has no relation to Everready or Duracell. The Energizer Bunny’s been spotted in the area, though.
r. The Shake Shack. But I refuse to wait for more than 90 minutes for my burger. Okay, 2 hours tops!
s. Donald Trump and I are the closest of friends/the fiercest of enemies. (He just doesn’t know it.)
t. For so many reasons, it just ain’t Times Square anymore. Let’s call it by its old name: Longacre Square.
u. Queens Boulevard is a microcosm of everything that is NYC. I liked it before I even heard of “Entourage”.
v. I enjoy the varied street performers, but two or more Statue of Liberty impersonators in a row is an abomination.
w. “East Village”? There’s no such “East Village”, it’s the Lower East Side!
x. I not only own the Brooklyn Bridge, but I can get it for you wholesale.
y. Yes, you can get good BBQ in NYC.
z. Good BBQ in NYC? Dream on.
(If you wish to leave a comment with your choices, great. But only 3 per person.)